adulting

Step 305: Do not listen to random angry anonymous internet strangers

Here is the thing about making anything for public consumption: Some people will like it, some people will dislike it, and some people will be so so confusingly furious at you for even existing.

The first category is the people you should be focusing on and making things for. 

The second category will sometimes have valid criticism; when they do, listen to them. But don’t get too hurt or caught up on their dislike of what you make — you don’t like everything other people like, after all.

The third category is absolutely useless and you need to ignore them. Seriously. Do not read what they say. Go do something else, something fun, something that doesn’t even involve the internet, maybe. 

Step 304: When there is a small, confined space that some humans are leaving and others are entering, the leaving happens first

This is pretty simple but really seems to confound some folks.

If you wish to enter a subway car, an elevator, a bus, an alcove - whatever small but key space - let those who wish to leave that same space do it first.

You see, human beings have mass, and take up space in the universe. Therefore, this elevator/subway/whatever will be better able to hold you once there are less humans in it.

This step brought to you by my fellow MAX riders. It won’t leave without you! Just wait seven goddamn seconds!

Book giveaway winners!

Y’all. Y’all. There are some fantastic adults reading this blog! I read all the entries — 800+ of them — and they were wonderful, so much so that I’ve made a new blog to celebrate them, adultbecause.com. I want to get all of them up there eventually.

Also, programming note: amazon.com sold out of books (heyyyy!), but they should be back in stock by Saturday! In the meantime, B&N has it now. 

On to the winners! This was really, really tough, and if it were up to me I would give every single one of you a copy, although my publishing company probably wouldn’t like that.

I couldn’t pick just five, so here’s the deal: There are five winners who will receive signed copies, and five runners-up whom I will send signed and inscribed bookplates to. Behold their glorious adultishness, after the jump!

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I loved the Book Giveaway entries (winners coming tomorrow!) so much that I couldn’t stand letting them languish in an old post. So here is the new project; eventually, I hope to have all 900+ entries up. Check it out, submit, go crazy! adultbecause.com

Song and chore pairing: “The Swimming Song” and putting away winter clothes

Yes, clearly, this is just an excuse to post the song that I’ve been listening to on repeat. 

But! It’s also perfect for those who are ready for a brave, metaphor-filled summer. Throw this on and then:

• Wash everything the way it wants to be washed; here’s the info on sweaters.
• Fold all your things, put them in a big flat Tupperware-style box (or anything that closes air-tight), throw in a dryer sheet or two and put it under your bed.
• Drop your heavy coats off at the dry cleaners. Not only will they come back looking new, but the cleaners will tighten any buttons and small mends that are required.

Discussion question: Why are coat buttons the WORST? They are constantly falling off, and I want to know why.

Guest entry: How to Share Your Cause or Beliefs Without Being a Total Jerk

Hi everyone! So the book came out last week and it’s been kind of a whirlwind since then, although I will say that I have achieved a life-dream, which is to utter the phrase “go look at pictures of baby otters” live on Fox News.

I’m sorting through all the book giveaway entries, and will have some winners announced by Wednesday; in the meantime, go check these answers out because oh man, you guys are so wonderfully adult and are slaying it out there.

In the meantime, here is a great guest entry from LeotardSanity:

The Internet is a great place to learn how not to have a meaningful discussion. Rather than respectfully sharing our point of view, any lengthy conversation on sensitive matters such as politics, religion, race, sexuality, or the Oxford comma quickly devolves into a lot of mudslinging and comparing those on the other side to the Third Reich. If you’re wanting anyone’s opinions to actually be swayed by the argument you present, whether on the Internet or in real life, here are some tips to remember:

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Step 303: Always have at least $20 cash on you when you fly

Actually, just have $20 cash on you, period. There is never a time when you’ll think, “Oh, man, if only this $20 bill weren’t weighing me down!” but there will be many, many, many times you’re glad you have it.

Related: I am in New York, doing book press and acting like an excitable country mouse. But mainly, I’m here for the book party, which is tonight! 7 p.m.! Housing Works Bookstore Cafe!