How to become a grown-up in 468 easy(ish) steps.

Odds and Ends

Hi friends! For anyone curious about the Adulting book (out May 7! A reasonable $15!), you can read an excerpt on Facebook.

Other exciting book things: It’s featured in the May issue of Cosmo, which is out next week, and J.J. Abrams (!!!!!forever) said something very nice about it:

These are the steps I wish I’d had before I grew up. Wait - What am I talking about? These are steps I will start using today! Kelly Williams Brown writes as charmingly and hysterically as she does helpfully. Get this book and grow up! - J.J. Abrams - Writer, Director, Producer

And now, to avoid a totally self-promotional entry, here are some useful and/or wonderful links:

How to do housework while ADD

Shop for a week’s worth of healthy meals for under $50

How to stop being mean, courtesy of the always-brilliant Captain Awkward.

4th Apr 2013 156 notes , Comments

Step 291: Be supportive when your friend is searching for a job

And now, a great guest entry from Ellen on how to not make things tougher on a friend who is unemployed and looking for a job. Ellen?

Say “how are you?” just as you would with any other person, then let him bring it into the conversation. As with any life adversity, sometimes people want to discuss their problems, and sometimes they just want to talk about what a trainwreck “Smash” is.

Sympathize first, then suggest. Unless you’re at a job hunting workshop, he probably wants to vent more than he wants criticism, even constructive criticism. Sometimes it helps just to voice the obvious: “That sucks and I’m sorry.”

Don’t say “Have you found a job already?” This sets up the expectation that he should have one by now and the sense that he is disappointing you if that’s not the case.

Don’t say “Well, maybe it’s for the best!” This is naive and could be perceived as not taking your friend’s issue seriously.

If they change the subject, go along with it. Remember that he’s your friend first and a statistic second.

3rd Apr 2013 346 notes , Comments

Step 290: Don’t be verbally lazy with labels.

We could all take a page (ha!) from the Associated Press today, as it has changed its style on ‘illegal immigrant’:

illegal immigration: Entering or residing in a country in violation of civil or criminal law. Except in direct quotes essential to the story, use illegal only to refer to an action, not a person: illegal immigration, but not illegal immigrant. Acceptable variations include living in or entering a country illegally or without legal permission.

From the Poynter article:

In a statement, AP Senior Vice President and Executive Editor Kathleen Carroll says the change came, in part, because of ongoing work at AP dedicated to “ridding the Stylebook of labels.”

Immigration is just one area where AP is doing such work, Carroll says in the statement. Now it recommends “Saying someone was ‘diagnosed with schizophrenia’ instead of schizophrenic, for example.”

Reached by phone, Carroll elaborated on the AP’s struggle against labels: “It’s kind of a lazy device that those of use who type for a living can become overly reliant on as a shortcut,” she said. “It ends up pigeonholing people or creating long descriptive titles where you use some main event in someone’s life to become the modifier before their name.”

It’s a small thing, but I’ve tried to be conscientious about it ever since I wrote a story several years ago about a child with autism. I was talking to his mom, and used the phrase “autistic child” and she bristled slightly, then asked that I say “child with autism” instead.

“It just makes it sound like the autism is the only thing about him, that it comes even before the fact that he’s a human,” she said, and she was right.

Edit: A lot of people have written in to let me know that there is a big debate in the Autism community, and many do prefer ‘autistic.’ Obviously, people get to decide what to call themselves and you should follow their lead. This is just something to be mindful of.

2nd Apr 2013 424 notes , Comments

Some basic cleaning supplies that everyone should own:

• Dawn dish soap. It is truly astounding what some dish soap in warm water will clean, everything from countertops to baseboards to hardwood floors.

• A broom and dustpan

• A mop

• A bucket

• Paper towels

• Rags (note: it’s best to have old towels and some (unused, obviously) cloth diapers. The towels are great because they attract dirt, while the cloth diapers won’t scratch your mirror or windows

• A scrubber

• A toothbrush, for little crevices (think between the faucet and back of the sink)

• Bleach (remember that any time you’re working with bleach, you should have gloves on)

• Cheap white vinegar; a solution of 1/3 vinegar to 2/3 hot water is a wonderful glass cleaner

• Spray bleach solution (can be used on many things, including mold, floors, painted surfaces, etc)

• Kneepads, which make scrubbing a billion times less painful and Cinderella-like

• Latex cleaning gloves

• Pledge for wood

• Goo B Gone, which does wonders on weird sticky messes

• A duster, although you can certainly use the rags for this

31st Mar 2013 784 notes , Comments

A gentle reminder: If you changed your Facebook profile picture, you should go do something real, too.


I’m not knocking the red — in fact, red Grumpy Cat is currently what Facebook thinks I look like — and I’ve heard from many LGBT friends, particularly older ones, that it’s a touching reminder of all their straight allies. 

But it is not, in and of itself, work. And if you want to carry this mantle, if you think it’s important (and I hope you do) then put some skin in the game. Volunteer for a group that advocates for queer rights; donate a little money; figure out what your talent/ability is and offer it. 

28th Mar 2013 633 notes , Comments

Step 289: When saying something difficult to someone you love, use ‘and’ instead of ‘but’

This is a very simple but and very important concept. (See what I did there?) These two phrases would be heard very differently:

“I love you but I need you to respect my boundaries.”

“I love you and I need you to respect my boundaries.”

The word ‘but’ negates whatever came before it, while the word ‘and’ signifies that whatever comes next is a logical extension of the thought. 

25th Mar 2013 4,740 notes , Comments

Adult purchase of the day: Self-Defense Kitty Keychain!

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If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “Hrm. I like cats AND I do that thing where I jab my keys between my fingers in the present of frightening people, AND wouldn’t it be kiiiinda bad-ass to have some brass knuckles around?” well, run, don’t walkimage

(Thank you to Lianna for the heads-up! The first photo is from Wicked Games, but they are sold out right now; I believe this is the source for that second picture.)

20th Mar 2013 2,177 notes , Comments

hybridelectricbabies asked: Hey so, your post about not being polite to threatening people is great, but mentally ill people are no more likely than the general population to be violent, and calling violent/threatening people "crazy" further stigmatizes people with mental illnesses. If you could use different language, that would be great.

I hear what you’re saying.

I don’t consider or use the word “crazy” as synonymous with “someone who has a mental illness,” but I know others do and I don’t want to contribute to that. What is a better word for “frightening/unreasonable/alarming/acting in ways not consistent with normal human socialization” that doesn’t have that same effect?

19th Mar 2013 78 notes , Comments

Step 288: If someone makes you feel unsafe, forget about politeness and protect yourself.

This is a little more serious than most entries. There is a bit of a trigger warning on this for frightening, inexplicable strangers, weird racist rants and the general bullshit that comes with being female.

I am over making myself uncomfortable for the sake of strangers that make me feel freaked out. I am over socialization that tells me politeness and not hurting feelings come before the seemingly basic premise that I can be in a public space without being concerned for my safety.

The backdrop to this entry is that two weeks ago, someone put a date rape drug into my and a friend’s drink while we were out celebrating her birthday. I don’t feel like talking or writing about that yet, although I will. But know that my stranger-danger spidey sense has been vibrating extra frequently lately.

Read More

19th Mar 2013 935 notes , Comments

Step 287: If you use bobby pins regularly, go ahead and buy a pound of them

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Excessive? Perhaps. But do you know how great it is to never, ever run out of bobby pins in exchange for $6?

Special Step 287.5 for dudes who may be reading: I know this step probably doesn’t apply to you, and I’m sorry, and promise to make the next three gender-neutral. However, rather than leaving a snarky response, you can just keep on scrolling down the dash! It’s that easy.

Update! Apparently, ladies people who use them for hair purposes aren’t the only ones who need bobby pins! Thanks to kobebeefcake for this article on 25 clever uses for bobby pins

19th Mar 2013 718 notes , Comments