Sweeping! Let’s talk about it.
I hate sweeping. If chores had personalities, sweeping would be so passive-aggressive and undermine-y. “Noooo, you’re doing a great job, except for all those little cat hairs, which, you know, are so small, right?”
So first things first: if you have a pet, you are a LOT better off just vacuuming. Yes. Your hardwood, linoleum, whatever floors will get much cleaner. Most vacuums have a setting for it.
But if you must sweep, here’s how it goes:
1. Clear everything on the floor out of the way. This means rugs, small tables, chairs, that pile of shoes, whatever.
2. Divide the room, mentally, into 3-foot by 3-foot squares, then sweep one at a time.
3. Sweep slooooooowly. Like, much more slowly than you’d think. When you sweep even at a moderate pace, you’re kicking up a ton of dust and your broom is laughing at you (“Oh, that’s sweet. She thinks she’s cleaning!”). Do it in even, overlapping parallel lines.
4. Make little piles. Remember your 3 by 3 squares? Well, nine of them together are a 9-by-9 foot square. Sweep toward the center of this, then once your pile is neatly contained, use a little handbrush (like this) to get it in there. DO NOT USE THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE BROOM because it will invariably be wider than your dustpan and roll its eyes at you.
5. Once you have a pile, go ahead and dispose of it then, otherwise you’ll forget and then traipse through it seven minutes later.
6. CELEBRATE MANKIND’S ONGOING TRIUMPH OVER OUR DUST AND BROOM ENEMIES.