Step 215: If you are going to wear white, you must* commit to it
… this also goes for baby blue, baby pink, spring green — basically, any color that would be at home for an Easter service.
Before you put on that white garment in the morning, ask yourself if you can refrain from the following until that item is safely back in your closet:
• Eating any sort of tomato-based broth? Especially the kind with that deadly orange grease floating on the top?
• Painting?
• Using Sharpies in any but the most subdued and careful manner?
• Consuming any food that isn’t Nilla Wafers while driving?
• Any sort of interaction with your car other than delicately pumping gas? (think tire and oil changing, or nearly anything that requires you to pop the hood)
• Acknowledging the existence of mustard? Seriously, don’t even look at it.
• Leaning against any outdoor surface?
• Sitting on the ground?
• Chili-cheese anything?
• Carnivals? I think carnivals actually combine everything above, plus face-painting, into one dangerous brew.
Also, if you manage to vigilantly protect your white garment from harm, take it off when you get home. Your house is safe for you, yes, but 37 percent** of indelible stains happen in the home.
* You don’t have to commit, as every single white garment I’ve ever owned will attest, but you should.
** I made that up but it seems right.
