How to become a grown-up in 468 easy(ish) steps.

Step 262: This Thanksgiving, do not get drawn into fights you won’t win

Happy almost-Thanksgiving! Hopefully, you’ve figured out what to take to tomorrow’s celebration (I’m doing this, and a pumpkin pie) or, if you are actually hosting, have found enough chairs and also congratulated yourself on that massive undertaking.

Now. Inspired by this brilliant Onion article, a gentle reminder that no one wins the bickering-with-extended-family-about-religion/politics game. This year, refuse to be drawn into it. Here’s the very simple game plan, repeated as many times as necessary:

Uncle So-and-So: Did you know that Obama is actually a transgender French woman?

You: Oh, Uncle So-and-So, I’m not going to talk about politics. (Voice tone: gentle)

Uncle S-a-S: But don’t you realize what she is trying to do to America?

You: I’m not going to talk about politics. (Voice tone: gentle but matter-of-fact)

Uncle S-a-S: Everyone, except white people and seniors and senior white people, will be given their own small business. But the kicker is that each small business will have been taken away from a white person who built it.

You: I’m not going to talk about politics. (Voice tone: same as above)

Uncle S-a-S: Entitlements … black people … gays … baguettes …

You: Hrmmmmm. (Voice tone: gentle but bored, more of a neutral, quiet noise than anything else. At this point you have full permission to wander away or turn to whomever else is around you that won’t be such a pain in the ass.)

No one, no matter how desperately they wish to argue, can withstand this stonewall effort. Whatever they are saying, however wrong they may be — you will not change their minds, and you especially won’t do it by getting in a big fight during a family gathering. So right now, summon all the zen you may need.

Happy Thanksgiving!

21st Nov 2012 203 notes , Comments
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  1. beginning-of-entropy reblogged this from adulting
  2. dangerousbayou reblogged this from adulting
  3. morally-questionable reblogged this from adulting and added:
    Out of season, but always useful.
  4. bbpratt reblogged this from adulting and added:
  5. gryffindorfeminist reblogged this from adulting
  6. mynameisdevon reblogged this from adulting and added:
    Guys, I have an uncle just like Uncle So-and-So, and I had to go to his house for Thanksgiving. It was like Fox News but...
  7. exxotic-doll reblogged this from adulting
  8. liveteachbehappy reblogged this from adulting and added:
    Thank goodness my family doesn’t have this problem. The biggest debate at Thanksgiving this year was about my move to...
  9. ragingjewbunny reblogged this from adulting
  10. captainwallysparrow reblogged this from adulting
  11. hopefromhouston reblogged this from adulting
  12. bedjesus reblogged this from adulting
  13. alyink reblogged this from theladies-room and added:
    At our thanksgiving (Canadian) there was a literal fist fight…
  14. theladies-room reblogged this from adulting
  15. lady-davison reblogged this from gallifreygal and added:
    I’m going to need this when I go for dinner with my boyfriend’s family.
  16. pterodactylsnotpteranodons reblogged this from adulting
  17. tinaalsgirl reblogged this from gallifreygal and added:
    Ahhh. One of the great things about not doing Thanksgiving this year! I don’t have to worry about getting into arguments...